.

Its snowwing again... can't it just hold off a bit longer.. i need to get out of here before everyone gets snowwed in again..

Im actually glad I'm working tonight.. Working at the restaurant always seems to cheer me up =] And everyone else should be mega hyper and happy, so hopefully so will I be by the end of the night..



I don't have the same feeling of freedom as I did last time, I just feel ashamed of myself.


But hey, maybe I will pass my exams this time? If I don't become an alcoholic that is.. haha.. drink my troubles away ;)










'Cause you were made for me
Somehow I'll make you see




x

.

I cant wait to get out of this place.. i need to get away.. from all of it.. everyone.. me and hayley against the world < 3

.

Ahh we put our tree up todayyy =] While listening to christmas music and drinking Cosmopolitons ;)


Still debating trekking down to tobys.. but its just so fucking cold out there! And theres soooo much snoww! Id have to layer up and wear hat and scarff.. and i dont know if i can be bothered.. id have to carry clean cloths with mee as i cant get my car out the drive... blurghhh... yucky yuckyy snoww!!

I've already fallen over oncee.. mehh :L


x

.

Man may have discovered fire, but woman discovered how to play with it. =p

=]

This might sound really strange... but I actually had a really nice night out in town, with my boyfriend! =D

We had dinner, and went out to the cinema and had popcornn =]

And he held my hand and kept his arm round me... and was actually really nice! And I Harry Potter succeeded in scarying the shit out of me teheee



x

If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

I feel a little annoyed. He tried to ruin my afternoon out in town shopping, its my happy time, and he grumpied it up. Not impressed.

But nevermind.. I got 2 new topss... 2 new waaarrm topss =]
I like shoppingg.. =]

And filmss =]


x

.

Sooo... Haven't been on here in a whiilee..

Whats new? I'm 18... ermm... thats bout it?


Its 11.11am and I have work at 12.. at the restaurant.. which is better than the pub as i get to work with hay.. and other happier people.. and its busier! So less boredom =D

I bought my first alcohol since being 18, last night =] Wine and cider =D It was soo bizzare! And it still felt naughtyy, like i was doing something wrongg.. =D but im sure i will get used to it!!

Didn't have the balls to go to amandas wedding thingyy.. I havent seen her in yeearrss and it just felt all wrong to be goiing to her wedding.. hmmm..


Currently have 4 offers...


Going to germany in 2 weeks... its christmas is 2 weeks..



And I am obsessively strangly addicted to my toby at the moment..
I had break downs yesterday as I hadnt seen him all day... This is soo weird =S


Errmm... I had a happy period as i was soo thrilled to be less ill =]
(I got flu over my birthdayy) ... humpfff



Aaaanndd it feels like she is trying to pikey my friends...
She already got one.. whos next?!


Gunna go get ready for work I sposee..




x

.

URGHHHHH!!!!! I HATE MEN!!!!! AND DOGS!!!!!!



=]


Sorryy.. just needed to get that of my chest ;)

Can't FUCKING WAIT for next weekend!! I get the whole weekend off workkkk!! And am gunna go outt and get piiiisedd... wankereddd... of my FACE!!! And I'm not gunna think about anyone but ME!!! If I wanna be happyy and drunkk... IM GUNNA BE HAPPY AND DRUNKK!! No fucker can stop me =]

Gunna be 18 ;)


Then all the girlies can legally go clubbingg ;D


FUCKING BRILLIANTT!!!!!



Gunna dance all nighttt!! In my Green tutuuu!!! And be soooo drunk I don't remember a thing!! But it will still be FUCKING BRILLIANT!!!! And I will be 18, and I have a car, and I can drive it, and I am simply AMAZING!! ;D



Just cause I can. ;)




He can fuck off. ;)




x

.

Urghh.. Ill.

Ended up working a split today instead of getting it off =(
But never miinddd...

I can go into town, have lie ins, spend time with mother and do school work some other timee..

hopefully will go out mondayy nightt.. haylillyy mentioned cocktails =D

Need to get on top of more mounds of school work thoughh.. I just havent had time todayy to do anyy.. but if im working tomorrow i might get up early and do somee =]


x

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.



Prettyy < 3

.

Urghh... SO MUCH WORK!

3 offers =]

Nottingham
Reading
Portsmouth

Id like all 5 tbh.. just cause it would be nice =]
And Id love reading to turn round and tell me they dont want me, just for shits and giggles ^^

Ahhh there is a really interesting advert that I really likee =]
Man: Christmass
Dog: GrrrWOOF!
Man: CHRISTMAS!
Dog: GrrrrWOOOFF!!

Ahh its epicc ^^


I am 18 soon, its exciting! Am going to have a house partaayy, then taking some friends clubbingg =]
Will be brilliant! I plan to wear a bright green tutu, pink tights and top, and neon legwarmers and gloves ^^ ahh i cannot wait!!


IM GUNNA SNEEZE!!! =/

Third cold in 2 months.... not happy about that one.



And I'm crazy, but you like it (loca, loca, loca)
You like that it ain't easy (loca, loca, loca)
I'm crazy but you like it (loca, loca, loca)
And I'm crazy but you like it (Dios Mío)


The moon's awake now with eyes wide open
My body's craving, so feed the hungry




Shakiraa < 3


x

.

And I'm crazy, but you like it (loca, loca, loca)
You like that it ain't easy (loca, loca, loca)
I'm crazy but you like it (loca, loca, loca)
And I'm crazy but you like it


Love this song.



x

.

The clocks changed today?! NOONE TOLD ME!!! =(
I could have had another hour sleeeepp =(

Ahh weeell... Am already on my secound cup of coffee todayyy =D Am gunna be crazzyyyy at workkk hehehheee, hope stephh is working todayy againn =] Its nice to see her againn
Think Pete got a little annoyed at us thoo.. as I kept making her laugh... =S =D

Hehehheheee I had a proper fat night last night after work, Got to Tescos JUST before it closed, bought lots of munch and went home, cooked it,,, and ATE IT!! =D
To be fair tho... I had only really been eating cerial all dayy.. and that doesn't really fill me uppp =] ..twas good thoo..... Cookie Crispp =D

Hmmmm.. back to school tomorroww... hopefully will get to have a girly night in with Chloe on thursdayy, and one with Hayylillyy some time soonn =D

Need to go find work clothss... God I wanna chat with Hayy... But am at the pub today not the restaurant... =/


Toodlesss




xx

.

How sad am I?! I just watched Up. I cried my eyes out. It's soooo saddd!!!

But yeahh.. anyways.. half term (Y)

Fridayy... school social = crap =]
Afterwards.. running through bourton with sam and dan with a bottle of wine = Amazingg!!

Today... Split shift..

Tomorroww.. workk.. & Chloe's birthdayy =D Must get up early enough to go round to my nan's and walk the dog tho as mother is in america.. Gahh.. At least it'll get me fitterrr..


Really shouldn't have watched Up... All I wanna do is go find Toby and hug him all night noww.. and I gotta workk.. and I won't see him til tomorroww.. for like 30 mins after workkk grrrrrrrr!! But it's half termm, so can do that all day tuesdayy =]

And as for the work bit... just think of the moneyyy!!


And I am looking forward to seeing chloe tomorroww =D tis whats gunna get me through work ;)


Toby, Chloe, Sam, Hayley, Hannah, Ela, Dan < 3


x

.

Ich habe Hunger!! Ich will Essen essen xD Toby ist mit Dan... Ich werde beider Alice in Wonderland und Bold schauen. =D

Es wird gut sein ;)

Blurrgghhh... Es gibt ein Junge auf mein MSN. Er ist doof und ich denke dass, es SEX willst. =.=

Es nervt mich!



x

.

Oh My Goodness.
Last night was BRILLIANT!!! Hayley's 18th =D

We got into a clubb ;) And we got served ;) And it was simply brilliant =D

Chloeee... oh chloee =p

4 or 5?? =p

Red paint... =p

need more be saidd heheeee =D



hehheheheee and I danced with some random person in a death costume :L I stole his plasic knife and was waving it round :L

And the meal was sooo nicee!! It was well poshh!!!! =D

Snuggled up to Chloe on hay's living room floor =p :L
Ahh its loveee < 3



I hopes my toby is staying tonightt... I think i persuaded himm =]


x

.

Gah. I didn't know there were sooo many different uni's. I've narrowed my list down to 15 different unis soo farr...xD

The grades for german aren't quite so scary as they are for some of the other courses that other peoples wanna do.. but still quite scaryy =S
Most of them are around BBB/ABC.... some are ABB but not manyy... Dont think I wanna go too far away... will make it easier to come home at weekends and stuff if I am a little bit closer... like i'd HATE to be in Scotland.. blurghhh... Spose ima have to learn to cope with it in my second/third year when I go to germany thoo =S

But yeahh anywayyss.. My cold has gone away =D
And I have discovered an AMAZING film- Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. IT. IS. BRILLIANT.
Chloe stayed last nightt.. we got through alot of munch, and alot of wine ;) I swear all bottles of wine should be that size!
heheheh

Looking forward to hayley's birthdayyy =D hope i dont get IDed and have to stay on coke all nightt... xD


x

.

Urghh.. don't really wanna go to work todayy.. it's all wet and rainy out there.. and I bet ima be working with Ian... -.-
Hopefully Steph will be working tho =D
Haven't worked with her in a whiilee...

Had a day off yesterdayy.. didn't do anything very productive... well.. i started on Sam's birthday present.. but thats gunna take a whiiilee.. teheee ^^
And I got all hay's presentt =] Had to get toby to carry that one back to my carrr

Stayed at Tobyyss last nightt.. There were a fair few people overr... I fell asleep on the sofaaa =D

Now am just watching fairly odd parenttss.. drinking coffee.. thinking about how much I don't wanna go to workk.. how crap the weather is... and how much Id love to just sleep all dayy..... pffftt



x

.

Hmmmm... rather drained... the cold is going... still could go further away thoo...=/

grrr...


Fairly happy atm... just pottering along... iwi is over this week =D
We went to london... went swimming at the Oasis in Swindon... painful painful flumes...
Went to the cinema... watched a TERRIBLE film... with a guy with a REALLY funny face... we had laughing fits at him... pissed off several old people in the cinema..

hehehehee







x

.

Iwi is here tomorrroowww!!! =D well happy about thatt!

Hmmm.. my tooth hurts xD

Nicht gutt.. hehee


Gunna go to tesco tonight with mother and do some last minute shopping... like JUICE!! WE GOTTA HAVE JUICEE!! =D
And general food.. that I can cook for Iwi... cause cooking is good =D Well.. food is good.. and sara hungryyy... =]
ooooo could get food for nowww.. mmmm.. hungryyy...

Went for a trek with toby todaayy =] To the slaughterss... got icecreamm =D
Mine tasted really weirddd.. it was apple and cinnamon i thinkss.. bizzareee..

I thinks Toby was a bit grumpyy todayy... he must have been hungry or somethingg... sure wasn'tt... his cake tehee ;)


Sooo... Sam had her cake last nightt.. :L Sara had her cake twice yesterdayy.. Woooo xD


mmmm... thinking about cake has actually made me reallllyy hungryyy.... I really fancy pasta noww... I dunno how cake made me want pasta?? Bizzaaareeee


x

.

Gah. Ill. Don't wanna go to speech day night thingy..

But at least I'm sat by Chloee ;)
Gunna sneek my iPod in and rave at the back of the hall til I get to go up and collect my prize (A book off mothers shelf)
I talked mother out of coming to speech day tonight.. It's hardly fair making her sit through that.. =.=

Looking forward to Ivi coming over on fridayy =D Just hope I'm better by thenn
Mightt be going into London with her and mother on the saturday. I think I'd like to go... I mean I haven't been there.. not to shop anyway.. And she's only here for a week.. and she wants to.. so we should really take herr =]
Might just do a little online banking before I go and stick some more money in my account ;)


Mother turned round to me today and asked me if I thought I was pregnant before my period. WTF?! NOOOO! :L
Apparently she went to see this phyciactric personamagigyy... (However you spell it) and he told her that I was stressed about something... E.g. thought I was pregnant.. and that mother is too overprotecting and wraps me up in cottonwool. HA! xD riiiightt...
Don't think hes very good at his job... hehee



Und ich bin noch glücklich. Ich liebe mein Junge. < 3

Er ist immer da für mich, und ich werde immer da für mein Junge. < 3



Doesn't make all that much sense.. but you get the idea =D



x

.

Urghhh........


....




..........
.

....



I feel yuck.








Wanna have a bath. But mother is on a cleaning frenzie and when I asked if I could have a bath.. all I got back was "Why aren't you helping?!"















GAHHH.



Work tonight... Work tomorrow...




Toby was out last night... mum stole my laptop... car was baracaded in my mum's...

So I moped. Until I fell asleep at like half 9... so by rights I should be full of energy and happy today? Nahhh..



=(

.

mmmmmm I feel calm.

Listening to some really gay tunes ;)


Toby is at rugby.. mother is somewhere.. I have my car back again.. and I'm watching Yes man =]


Toby might be staying tonightt... i hopes so.. cause otherwise i wont really get to see him til sundayy... but hes all ill and grumpy atm =/
Meaning I will also be ill in 3 days I should think. Pfft. Rather get it over with now before Ivi comes over..


mmmmmm.. red winee...


Rather looking forward to seeing that girl again.. =]
Next friday nightt.. Bailies and peopless =]
Shall be nicee =]



x

.

Ah the weekend has been well needed! Friday night got rather drunk at Toby's with Dan, Toby, Jack, Ginger Dan & Nickiee.

Twas nice but then I had to drive home at 7am as I had work at 9am doing house keeping?? I found this rather strange as I usually waitress...??

But yess.. Dan prooved to have no morals.. again =D (As in Ginger Dan)
He attempted to fuck his girlfriend in Toby's livingroom, while we were all in the same house, awake, and toby's mum and her bf were upstairs... And they weren't even drunk.
Toby seemed a little annoyed..
But tbh who am I to judge...

Aaaannywayyss... Went to Karens 40th birthday party last night, which was rather boring to start with but then we all started dancing with this random hen night group and it got quite amusing =D


Hannah and Elas 18th todayyyy =D hehehhehehe
Gunna go give them their presentssssss and have a mini partyyyy... well.. more like a girly afternoon with Pimms I should thinkk? Und ima take my mummy with meee =D
(Cause I am just that cool hehehe) ilovemymummmyy ;)




x

.

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe

I love this quote < 3


x

.

Trenne dich nie von deinen Träumen. Wenn sie verschwunden sind, wirst du weiter existieren, aber AUFGEHÖRT haben zu leben. ♥

Maybe I could start my personal statement with that?? It was on Ivi's facebook and i thought it was quite sweet ^^


mmmmm... mum is doing a roast tonightt =D
niomm niomm niommmmmmm


Gotta go pick toby up from rugby tonight too... dont think i can cope with doing more notes tonight thoo.. blurghh.. done too many todayyyy

And I finally know when Ivi is coming back over to Englandd =D 2 weeks & 2 daysss =D
Exciteddddddd!!! =]



x

.

GAH! I am soo at loss as to what to write in my personal statement?! What do I write about?
"Hello my name is sara, LET ME INTO UNI?!"
Reckon that would workk?? Probably not... hehe would be ace if it did tho =p
thinks sam may be joining me on a gap year to germany thoo =p so thats goood =D

Hmmm... looking forward to tonight =]
Toby asked me to out for dinner with him and karen and dannnnn =D yeeeeeyyyy

But yeahh... will need to do lots more workk.. but i got lotsa morning freess.. so i get work done in those usually (Y) Like i got tomorrow morning free, and thursday and mondayy... so thats good =]

Dont have friday afternoons free anymore =( no more sara chloe tea timee =(
shall just have to invade her house a bit more =p heheee


my feet smelll.... bleeghhhh


x

.

I JUST MADE GINGER COOKIES AND THEY DIDN'T BURNN!!!!! I AM SOO HAPPYYY!!!!! WOOOOOOOOO!!!!


hehehe =]


You see, usually I forget an ingredient or cook them for too longg.. or too short.. and they are horrible... for example.. last time i made cookies on my own they came out black and bubblingg =D
The tray is still scarred from that one... well.. its blackk xD

But yess... these cookies are EATABLE!!!! WOOOOOO =D


But yeahhh... enough about my cookiess.....



School on mondayy... kinda looking forward to itt... not really with the whole gotta be up early again thingg.. that's gunna kill me xD
But yeahh... I won't be bored this year lets just sayy hahaa gunna be doing several retakess..... =/
Which kinda suckss... and i might have to end up being unemployed for a whilee.. depends how many hours they give me and how i cope with it all... hmmmss..


Worrk tonightt... Pete should be back off holidayy THANK FUCK!!! no more Iainn =D WOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!


Walked round Sherbourne today with Ginger Dan and My Tobyy and we taught wee wee to play fetch!! It was amazingg!! She was actually bringing the sticks back to uss!! It was sooo funny.. then she'd lie down and attack the stickk... ^^ Blessss...


x

.

Teenage dream < 3


My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back






Just woken upp... am sat with a cup of coffee, trying to wake up enough to go over to the surgery... kinda worried that my coffee will mess up my blood pressure test thingg... i doubt it will... but it miightt xD

Toby is still asleep in my room ^^ will go jump on him before i leave and say byee < 3


Should go get dressedd... didnt even wake up in time to wash my hairr haahaa
Hopee haylilyy and elaa come round soonishh tooo =] am looking forward to tonight and tomorroww =D
In fact I am just generally very happy todayy =]
I get to see my chloeeeee!!!! =D

heheee woooppp =]


x

.

Sara is no longer single ;)



hehehehehhehehehheeeeeee =D






But yeahhh.... IM HUNGRYYYY!!! And i can smell fooooodd... and it suckss.. cause i cant eat itt.. cause i might diiee.. cause you shouldnt eat uncooked chicken... but it smells soooo gooodd.. but it would be better cooked... so it wont kill mee... and it will taste waayy betterr... so ima waiitt.....



=D



yyyeeeeeyyyyyy seeing samm tomorrowww ^^
Then hannah ela chloe and haylilyy wednesdayy nightt.... then SHOPPING with chloe hannah and hayyy on thursdayyyyy ^^ WOOOPP =D
Then I should probs see my tobyy againn... heheee xD


Despite my yucky hours this weekend, I am still happy =]
Just think of the moneeyy.... hahaa


GAHHH why does Ian have to be such a stressy gitt?!?!?! and MY NAME IS NOT CLAIRE!!! GAHHHH


I am all excited about seeing everyonee this weekk...!! hehehee


x

.

GAHHHH too much woorrrkkk.... I really dont like split shifts at this new place... Didn't get away from there til 4.30 and i am ment to be back in there at 6.... GAHHH

But ahh weeell... staying at tobys tonightt againn =]
Which kinda makes me happierr.. cause without that thought.. the only thing that would push me to get home tonight would be a Jam sandwichh.... cause they are goood...


Looking forward to seeing Chloe soon againn.. must go shoppingg!!! NEED TO GO SHOPPINGG!!!! GAHHHHH!!!!

Think im a bit stressedd xD



x

.

Ooppss... =S

Feel a little bad for Jakee =/
Was kinda wondering around the kitchen in my undies... toby making himself food.. and jake just walked inn.. =/
Failed his English and Maths GCSE's.. againn...
But yeahh.. don't think he was too happy.. =/



But anywayss.. Samm is staying over tonightt =D Might go see Dann?? Not suree yett =]

Dont have a car atm, as its gone for an MOT pfffttttttt
Hopefully not working til friday night noww, cause i wont be able to get there if they call me up to work anywayss xD

Gahhh... I heard Dan Morgan while i was in the bathh... with peopless.. but they left againn =( Unhappy with thatt!! I wanted to give him a I KNOW WHAT YOU DID!!! kinda look... xD


oooooo Rihannaaaaa =D (sara a little hyper todayyy =D)


Yeeeyyyy emo kid is onlineeeeee woooooooooo =D



x

.

Gaaahhhhhh.... gotta go back to work again at 6 =/

I havent had good sleep in a whilee.. got 4 hours last night as i stayed out after work..

Work todayy.. 11-4 & 6 til finish... then staying out againn =D

Think Ima get drunk with Steph from work, hannah ela and haylillyyy =D
Tis gunna be goooooddd... if im not dying of tirednesss xD

Shall take some niceer cloths, good smellyy and more eyeliner with me and have a couple of drinks and i will be fiiinee =D


And I have sort of decided what Ima do with my lifee..



Ima try and get as good A levels as i can.. while saving moneyy.. so working too... then ima apply to unii... if i dont get in... then i move to germanyy =D

A year or so... just so i am fluent =D Maybe work over there or try and get into uni over there... or college?? Somethingg..
Spend a bit more time with Iwi if i cann =]

Don't know how i would cope with it tbh... but theres only one way to find out.. and either way im gunna be there for a year anywayss.. as the uni course I would wanna do would make me go over there for a year to work or studyy.. So yeahh... why nott xD

And I have started saving for my next load of insurancee.. Ima put £20 away everyweek so I can actually pay for it.. And I can maybe keep the money I have saved up from my last job for germanyy..

So yeahh... basic plan for life so far = Get A levels, Save money, Go to germany again =]



x

.

Yuuupp.. so i fucked up my AS's....

Ict- B
Ict coursework- E

German oral- C
German exam- D

Business unit 1- D
Business unit 2- E



Never got an E before... =(
I spose at least i got an okay mark in Ict... well the exam anywayy...



But yeaahhh... good day other than that yesterdayy =D
Was drunk for most of the dayy xP
Danced lotss... feel a little crap todayy.. and i have work in like an hour and a half... and toby isn't here... and jake is all fucked up atm... he has cuts on his fists where he was punching things.. and i feel like its partly my fault.. but i'm not actually doing anything wrongg.. i try and be there as a friend for himm.. but theres only so much of it i can takee.. =/


Cleaned the house a bit todayy.. fuuunnnn



Was nice to see everyone yesterday thoughh.. glad i did decide to have a partyy.. dont think i'd have coped otherwisee

Got work tomorrow night too.. but i think i'm staying at hannah and elas after and getting drunk againnn (Y) hahaha




x

.

Alsoo.. a few songs I have become obsessed with over the last couple of days...



Why you're lookin' like that
I'm burning like fire
I wanna be higher
Just let me know
Why you're lookin' like that
You're driving me crazy
You're lookin' amazïng




Amazing Inna

Chica Bomb Dan Balan



Songs I discovered from a new CD I got while in town avec my sammyy =]



x

.

Resultsss daayy is tomorrowwwwwwww =S

Mother just dragged me to coop to get ice cream xD hehehehe

There is lots of wine for tomorrowww =D Think ima spend the next 10 minutes putting all the alcohol in the fridgee hahaha hope people bring their own too... cause otherwise we might run out and that wouldnt be good xD wanna be drunk all dayy heheheee =D

I sound like such an alcoholicc.... but heeyyyy why nottt xP
Nothing wrong with being drunk all day on results dayy... did it last year... got very very very drunk last yearrr xD I think me and Sam remember that little bonding session over Jacks sink well xD

I am determined to be happy all day!! Unless I fail all my exams.. then I think id have to right to be sad.. but otherwisee Ima be craazzzyyyyyyy =D


Gunna go round Hayley's first thing for a glass of champagne before getting results, then after getting those back to mine for drinks and dancing me thinkss =D
All dayyy... and eveninggg hehehee (L)


Sat watching simpsons with mum at the moment... pondering that ice cream.... hehehe


x

.

I've got to admit, I agree with Sam's views on this weather... tis rather shit =]
Would like a little bit more hot weather before we go back to having frozen toes.

They are all camping tonightt.. I had to work.. but didn't really feel welcome enough to go join them.. even though i wanted to...

Feel like crying tonightt.. worried about results.. hormonal.. and i hate to admit this.. but i miss toby =/

But I am seeing my Sammy tomooroww, so that will be nice =]
Don't know what we will be doing, but Ima have to drive my nan into hospital to see grandad at like 3 as he is still ill =/
I guess it gives nan a break thoughh.. can't be easy for her...

Wanna meet emo kid...


I should really sleep.. but I'm scared of being sat on my own in my room in the quiet... Think I might just stay downstairs with music on for a whilee =D

Its okayy =]








Thursdayy...


God I am dreading this day... And at the same time I am looking forward to itt... I will get to see everyone again...


And I fecking miss hanna moran =(



x

.

My lollipop brokeee =(

And it's rainingg....

And my feet huurrtt....


But other than that it's okay =]

Stayed out last night, straight from workk (Y) But i got woken up wayyy too early with his annoying alarrmm grrrrr... hahah
Also went into town yesterday before work and did a fair bit of shoppingg.. spent waaayy too muchh xD But at least I have sorted hannah and ela's birthdayy presents and cards and stufff... =]

Meant to be going to a BBQ or something today at Emma's too.. but i dunno if that will still happen as its rainingg.. if not i'm sure I'll find somethingg..

Had a good night with James the other night too =] Tis good to spend time with him, amused by how we battled over the front seat of mums car on the way to tescooss xD


Also quite amused by Jake... Not realising he was sleeping next to someone til the morning... bullshitt hahaha xD He wasn't even druunnkk

Spose it can happen thoughhh.. has to mee xD




x

.

Okay so I worked another shift last night at the white hart. Was fine, I wouldn't say fun exactly, but it was better than I have ever been used to =]

She couldn't find the rotor last night.. so again I am waiting on a phone call telling me when I am next working.. This annoys me greatly as I tend to mooch around the house until she calls as I am worried I will miss the call and she might have needed to work that nightt.. :S

But its not really my fault if im meant to be working tonight and she didnt call..

Shitting myself about results day :S
It has just kinda hit me that it's only one week away... feckingg arrgghh!!
I think mother is letting me have this house party after all.. I hope so.. I am feeling the need to get drunk again.. I will most likely cry lots again.. due to both crap results and a general crap mood.. but nevermiindd =D

Cravings for Ammerrrettoooooooo... reall baaadd onesssss =(




Gahhh... I feel so pointless atm... I'm not fecking doing anythingg.. Yeah worrkkk.. and seeing peopless.. but I mean... pffftttt







x

.

Having cravings to see Sam and Chloee right noww.. but am in such a crap mood.. i don't think anyone would wanna talk to me todayy xD
Got up at 8.. walked.. killed my feet... pfftt

Rest of the dayy.. well i feel like suuch a slob.. waiting around for texts and calls.. must have watching at least 4 films..

Felt so FUCKING pointlesss.


AHRGHGHGHGH






But yeahh.. seems i have a job at the white hart now =] (As they did call back in the endd =D)
So yeahh.. thats good... working tomorrow night =]

Its nice there...




Pondering stirfryy... I don't really feel like eating atm.. but i probs will later.. then will just get annoyed as there is so fecking food in the house.. grrr


And mother won't be in tonightt.. Grandad is ill again.. =/
So she is following the ambulance into town.. so yeahh...



God i just feel like crying todayy.. what the fuck is up with me?!



I really don't cope good with being alone.. I need to man the fuck up and get on with singleness...



Right... stirfryy... coop here i comeee


x

.

Stayed at sams last nightt =]
Got tipsyyyy, sangg on singstarr xD
Good timess

Once again.. sort of single...

=/



Chloe is staying tonight =]
Mum is out..

Jake keeps texting me...
Showing up at my house...

=/


All i wanna do atm is get drunk and partyy... Just dance, gunna be okayy




Kinda want it to be warmer again... i miss the heat... never thought i'd ever say that... but i really do!!

I miss germanyy!! If someone offered me a house out there i think i actually would take it!! Its so amazing out there.. everything is just soo nice.. and I would get hyped up by the simplest things.. like understanding things people sayy...
I mean yeah sure its nice here... and id have to take sam with me xD
And everyone else for that matter... chloee... =D

Maybe i will move there one dayy....



hmmmss... some stupid bitch drove into my chloees carr!!! Ima grrrr lots at herrr!! Maybe even throw a couple of grapesss :@




hehehehehe ima ride those camels round those pringless ;)

Ahhh hayleys little party thing was good... ela puked on hayleyy xD
Got made to dance alot... was rather tiredd... but its all good =]
She is very uni obsessed... not saying its bad... but yeahh... they all make it out to be such a big thingg.. and cant imagine not getting in... and well.. im not really all that clever.. and i might not.. and they seem sooo amazed by thatt... and blame it on a variety of thingss.. reasons why i dont work for it.. why im less motivated.. but i do work for it... just cause im not obsessed doesnt mean i dont work for it... Id rather have fun while i still can and work at the same time and find my balance.. than get into uni working my arse off 24/7 and looking back realising i have wasted my last years of school.. they are ment to be fun.. and i still kinda wanna be a kid for a bit longer... cause tbh.. when you have finally finished uni and have settled in with that oh so amazing dream job... how old are you gunna be?? and who is still gunna wanna go do all those stupid fun things we do now..


Sorry about that little rant.. but i really am dreading results day... I really really really dont want another D...


PAHHH!!!





x

.

Bye byee hannaaa...

I have had a lovely weekendd... =]
Love having hanna overrrr =D


And me and toby are getting on good againn, so all seems better <3


Jake bought me a necklace and earings... :S
Don't know what to think of that... made me feel a little awkward actually.. i know the thought was there though.. and hes sweet.. but yeahh.. =/


Went into town yesterday... got milkshakess xD
Did a little shoppingg, was nice =]

And my car has stopped doing that scaryy judderingg thingg.. so thats good =]


Picked mother up from a wedding partyy at Airds... was rather amusingg.. got made to dance and spun round by Jamie and Tara. Bless ^^ Tara is soo lovelyy.
And the candles in paper bags might have been a rather large health hazard, but still very pretty, besides, they were in a field xD How much damage could they have donee.

No more child minding for a whilee.. What to do with all this time?! Seems like my week is slowly filling already... xD

Probs cinema again on wednesdayy?? Oh my god, toy story 3 last week was soo amazingg! There were no kids in the whole cinema.. which made me feel a little better for dressing up to see a kids film xD
But yeahh... i WANT a SPANISH BUZZ!!! xD

And this afternoon?? sounds bad... but i didn't wanna go homee.. I was having such a good laugh with those guyss =]




xxx

.

Feeling a little trapped... but its okayy...


Been back from Germany for just over a week noww..

Had an AMAZING TIMEE!!



Jake is at workk... Mum is at work...

Alonee.... For the first time in a while... not good...

Thinking too much...


Mum needs to be happyy... =/

Her boss diedd... =(



Ummm... Gunna go see Sammm todayy =]




I don't know why I am writing in here if all I can do is write stupid little lines that don't really make sense... But I feel like itt..





ii miss himm...



x

.

Germany tomorrowww!!! =D

Still adapting... happy... when with people... =D

Passed driving test.... FREEDOMMM!!!

Complete freedom.... to do what I want...


Had a mini rave last night ;)
Myself, Sam, James & Jakkeee

It was AMAZINGG! =D
And I have 2 Jacob postersss!!!!!!! Woooppp

Having a Samm is all the rage these days y'knoww ;)



Miss spending time with himm... =/
Wonder if he thinks about me...
hmmmm....
It still feels strange...

But it's okay...




Debbie is over for a few days... Might be going out for food tonight...
(The name Debbie always reminds me off the seahorse on spongebob xD)

Germany tomorroww.... already said thatt... hehehehee
Bye byee englannddd xD





x

.

Driving testt tomorrowww =S

Fecking banking sitee... not letting me transfer moneyy :@
hahaha

I got it done in the endd =p



I could really use a wish right nowww (8)

Waka wakaa <33

Love the way you lieee




x

.

Soooo confuseedd....


I can tell someone is gunna get hurt here... and I have a pretty good guess who...

And i don't like it one bit =/



Meehh...









Don't know what to do... don't know what i want... don't know who i want...



I always fucking fuck uppp :@




Angryy at myselfff....




=(








x

.

Singleee.....

Well... sort of...



Feels good =D



Hmmm... eating pastaa... wooopp...

Jake has just left... after trying and failing to make me do press upss xD
My arms just can't takee ittt hahahaa

Only got one real lesson tomorroww.. And Samm has the samee.. so that will be funn =]
We can mooch round minee all dayy =D



4 in 3 dayss =D



xoxoxo

.

And another nose bleed?? =S

Strangee...

I just ate something hot... (Lasagne) and my nose just went.. blurghhh!! ??

Confusedd....


And REALLYY EXCITEDDD!!! I found out who my german exchange person iss!!!! Her name is Iveta =D

Silly beann didn't put her email thoughh =(
But Abi's girlieee did =D So she will ask for meee

I'm such a nerdd... so excitedd...

What else about my new germanite?? hmmm...

She is like 15?? =S
She has a 19 year old brotherrr... =D
She has a catt... =D
Ummmm...
Likes dancing.. reading... computer... xD (She actually just put the word "Computer" under interests?? haha)... meeting with friends... she seems nicee?? =]


And under another question... She put that its important for her to be paired with a healthy family?? xD
I take it by that she means she just doesnt wanna be stuck eating fast food all the time.. so i'm gunna be obsessivly eating fruit and veg while i'm over there now xD


But if my language skills fail... I can always befriend the cat =D
So thats allriighttt...

hmmmm... there is ben and jerries in the freezer... what am i doing not eating itt?!

Might be going drivingg laterrr.... =] mayybee to cheltenhamm to buy shampooo =]

As you can tell.. im in a rather excitable mood todayy.. but I cant tell if I'm happy or nott.. I think i amm??

What if my germanite doesn't likee mee.... =S



ooooo P!nk is onnn!!! =D yeeyysss




x

.

I had my first proper nose bleed for a about 3 years today. It was very dramatic.

Toby... ...I got rather pissed off...

..i just ended up screaming and crying with blood running down my chin and dripping onto my top.. blurghh..



...the dog farted... blurghhhhh



God there is no good music on sky... and hes NOT ONLINEE!! =(



humpfff...


mehh...



x

.

Mehh










Camping tomorrow... Yeyyyy


Bank holiday monday todayy... Quit my job...


Simon can fuck right off =]


"He" didn't have to bring that up again... he could have just forgotten... but still.. tis nice to know...




Arggg! NOB HEADDD!!!




x

mehh

Gunna miss you iiggyy baby. =(

Well what can i say... I have three exams next week & my theory..

My free tea samples finally came in the post this morning... i would have been excited but yeahh...




Kinda shit.. but he can't live forever i spose.. and he was amazing while he was about...





Mum has a new guy over this weekend =] So thats nice for her...
Hope hes nice...


x

.

Meh.


Just... meh.


"Why do I put up with your crap..."


And this time i didn't even do anything... I don't get why he has to be so horrible sometimes... ii know i can be a bit moody sometimess.. but i wasnt even being moody this time... and he just went.. BLURGHH!!

Sara can't cope with him being so Blurghh... =(

Makes her feel Blurgghh too... but hey it's not fair on him if i cry... it will make him feel bad, and we can't have that... and it's not okay to sleep either... that might make him Blurghh too...


whatever... just keep smileing... he won't noticee...



but yeahhh..... my lovely is visiting tonight =]
she passed her tessttt =D



x

.

Wow its been a while since i have written in here last... Ummm... whats new?? Not alot...
Am having a lazy/revision day today... Working tonight as my boss called me up and asked me to as hay has apparently got tonsilitus?? Okay thenn...
Caught up on some sleep last night after tobys BBQ... which was... lovely?

Ummm... I can drive now? Not legally without my mum... but i can...
I have booked my theory test for like a month away... In between my exams.. which i am worried about...

My mum thinks i'm crazy as i spazzed out on her and started screaming...
Hence the bathroom door lock is fucked now... lets go into that one..

Ummmmm.... have a top in the post to look forward to if nothing else =]

And toby washed his dog... as it STANK! Somehow it got into a bottle of cod liver oil and the thing must have rolled in it or something.. as it made the house smell like a fucking prawn cracker... Grrrrrr...


Ummmmsss..... Bendy and Dan (The ginger one) stayed at mine last night as Bee's party sucked (apparently- im not just being a bitch)
So yeahhh... they crashed downstairs on sofas and me and toby slept upstairs...



I misses school peoplee.... wanna see Chloee... and Jaaakee... And Saaammm... Even though i saw her the other dayy =D

But yeahh... i should be revising now... so yeahh.. byee..


x

.

Mehhh he's not onlineee.


Red wine ftww (Y)



7 monthsss <3333




Bukaa.. ?? hmmmm




SAMMMMMM :D



Caaakkeee....




Germannn....=/





That was just a shortlist of what was running through my head as I wrote this blog =]



x

.

Sooooo.... Toby has a dog.

It's quite cute... smells TERRIBLEE thoughh...

And it steals all his attentionn hahaha


So thanks to that fluff ball... i am at home with nothing to do... boredd.. and i wants my tobyy... or more people to be online at least... kinda feel like a long chat about stupid things to someone i barely know... omegle it is... or emo kid maybee....

But dont get me wrong.. i like the dogg.. i think its more wolf like thoughh..


Hmmmm...



Mehhhh



Work again tomorrow.... 11-6 ..... yeeyyy.....


But i have sunday to look forward to :D Ice cream day with Sammm =]



Then maybe seeing Jake at some point over the weekend... but i doubt i will get time..



hmmmm...



x

.

Okaiii... Last night was good... until about 9.... I now want to hurt Matt... xD

Also... Myself and my bf were ment to be having ONE night apart... not that much to ask for?? MEHHH
He came round anywayy... And as he was there my bf had a go at me for not telling him... "Should I really have to put up with this" "I'm not surprises he's here... but I am surprised Sam is here" MEHHH!!!

But I am gunna stay happyy for work :D I have too....



And OMGGG his friend was sooo drunk.. i mean... what the heelllll.... haahaaa



But yess... Yesterday myself and Saammm made a really yummy jellytot Cakee, Played guitar hero.. Made Spaghetti Bolognaise... and popcornn...and watched several horror films... including Saw 1&2 :D

Woooppp







xxx

Numbb

Hmmm... confuuuseddd :S




Like i said in my last blog.. it will be okay..


Ment to be going to the cinema tonight with toby dan karen and phillll.. don't really fancy it right now.. but im sure it will turn out to be good
Gunna see Alice in Wonderland... the new one outt.. might have to stay at tobyss??


Hmmmm.... No matter what hes still in my fucking head... And Im not sure if i even want him there! Its like an invasion of personal space!! But i cant help itt... =/



MEHHH!!




I just ate a muffinn :D Go meee!!
Might make myself have another one before i leave cause i know i wont eat anything else today... =/



x

=]

Okay i feel a little better today... not much... but a little =]
I have no idea what to do...
I'm a right skitsooo todayy :D

Feels like i'm chasing myself round in circles... ahhhhhhhhhhhh


Happy music is the way forward.. it will be okay. It will...

And y'know what?? I don't find little kids comments about my appearence funny.. in fact i don't care =] What do i give a shit what some mini twat thinks of me? And I think that he is kinda pathetic for finding it soo funny. My friends call him all sorts of stuff all the time and i don't laugh in his face about it. =]




Soo curiouss..




x

.

I feel reaally weird... like angry but sad at the same time... and calm.. but not..
And everything seems to change so suddenly.
Like my opinions on people.. how i feel.. what i feel.. yes they sound the same.. but they really aren't...
and at the end of the day all i want is him.. even if he drives me up the wall.. even if we argue..
and the next thing i know im happy again.. then back how i was.. and it feels like it did before, not to the same extream.. but it does.. and i don't like it.. this one will work! it will! i love him i really do!
And i know this, because i always did. I wasnt forced into it. It was just always there.

Had an aregument today with her.. Probably shouldnt have done.. she didnt do anything wrong.. not really.. but she needs to know shes pissing me off.. i dont do the whole bitchy fake thing.. i cant just shut up..



ahh well, it will be okay.


maybe its just cause mum isnt about.. ive been alone alot.. too much time to think.. even though im with toby alot..



ii just feel like sitting in my windowsil like i used to do.. watching the world go by... trying not to think about stuff..





ii want to scream but im still calm.. things are sparking inside me but i still smile. =]


x

At toby's housee

Niommm... that food was yummyy.. karan is a good cook :D

but yess... what have ii done today... fridayy... ummm..
Schoool... this afternoon was nicee =]
lots of people over for teaa =] as in cups of teaa
that was in afternoon freess =]
ummm.. me and toby went walking again... took a tennis ball and found a big stick and played fetch for a whilee =]


now am at tobyss.. drinking wiith dan & tobyyy =]
woooopp

staying at home tonight though ii think... not sure... then work tomorrow morningg.. :(

x

oooooooooooooooooooooo

blurghhhhh YUCKK


PERIOD ==


yeahh.. soo ii had my VERY LAST EVERRR anti vagina cancer jab today =]
So yess.. hopefully no vagina cancer for mee =]

And apparentlyy ii am working tonight instead of Emilyy.. so she is working for me tomorrow... Mehh.. ii don't really care which one ii work.. and ii hope she would do the same for me... So yeahh..


zooooooooooooooooooooooooommm... thinks ii might have a cup of tea or something now.. make me feel better.. tea always makes you feel better =]

it just has that "Aaaahhhh" effectt =]






x

.

hmmm.. tis early this month? bizzaree..

ii feel like all ii am doing atm is homework...



ii wanna feel good again =/








It's not so easy loving me
It gets so complicated
All the things you gotta be
Everything's changing
But you're the truth
I'm amazed by all your patience
Everything I put you through

when I'm about to fall
Somehow you're always waiting with
Your open arms to catch me
You're gonna save me from myself
From myself, yes
You're gonna save me from myself

My love is tainted by your touch
Well some guys have shown me aces
But you've got that royal flush
I know it's crazy everyday
Well tomorrow may be shaky
But you never turn away

Don't ask me why I'm crying
'Cause when I start to crumble
You know how to keep me smiling
You always save me from myself
From myself, myself
You're gonna save me from myself

I know it's hard, it's hard
But you've broken all my walls
You've been my strength, so strong
And don't ask me why I love you

It's obvious your tenderness
Is what I need to make me
A better woman to myself
To myself, myself
You're gonna save me from myself





ii dunno why ii like that songg.. ii just do =]



x

.

Crazy moment...


okaii so last night ii went a bit weird for a while.. ii got to admit that was the angriest ii've been in a while.. god knows why.. ahh weeell


Busy dayy todayy. School, driving lesson.. extra german lesson til 5... then work =] WOOOO

and apparently there is gunaa be a table of 42 tonight :S YES!!! 42!!!
scarry.....


ahh weell.. staying at tobys tonight me thinkss.. yeeyy... then home again tomorrow morning in time to have a bath and wash my hairr... catch up on mounds of hwk in my morning free xD then just breeze through the rest of the day trying to control my hormones as best ii can =]



haahaa... ii think ii turn slightly bipolar when my hormones STRIKE each month xD
Well most likely not... but still xD



x

6 months babyy

Ahhh my weekend has been soo uneventful :L
ii worked yesterdayy..
and todayy??

Walked back from tobys at like 9/10ishh, walked dogs, did some hwk, walked back to tobys with iiggyy as rugby was cancelled =]
sat on tobys bed with GECKO while he played on whatever the hell he was playing...

AHEMMM :P :L



yeahh... walked home again... gave iiggyy and yoggii food NIOMM !! Cricketss.. xD
watched filmss =]


wooo...




x

.

boooreeddd....


Finished work a couple of hours agoo..

gunna go over to tobys soon...


feeling very meh....



want to be rude!
just give me the excuse girl.. i dare you




MEH










x

.

Blurghh... am still wiping mud off my laptop screen from where the dog shakedededdd all over ittt... grrr



Haven't had an amazing day... it involved alot of painful eating :L
But its been okaii.. Not reaaaalllyy in the mood to talk but ii have nothing better to doo xD


So yesss.... MIGHT be taking up Japanese again if all goes well tomorrow.. do AS jap jaapp =]


MY GOD toby was hyper today... :S


hmmmm... ii wonder what the exchange will be like?? ii dont really care what sex my buddy is as long as they aren't horrible or bitchy or somethingg... but yeahh.. by the looks of things toby will be going on holiday to greece or where ever while ii am on the exchange... VERY pissed off about not being able to go... but at least neither of us will be sat at home moping as the other is abroad...
depressing that ii will be away for a whole week... and he will be off somewhere... but heyy hoo...

Exams seem to be creeping up very soon... but its okai! ii can retake them if ii need to... :S and ii get results back for the first unit soon ii think..

ohhh and apparentlyy the last anti vagina cancer jab is next week...

YUCKK!!!


as well as this 'dress up as your favourite book character' thing that nobody EVER does but instead just wears jeans cause they can =]

ii might wear something wackyy.. but ii doubt itt..

whats the point....




aand why do ii NEVER name my blogs... have ii got so boring that ii don't even do that anymore?!



whatever



x





ii want more evanescence on my ipodd



















'Cause you were made for me
Somehow I'll make you see
How happy you make me.















. . . Tobyyy 6 months on sundayy <333




x

.

Annoyed.

ii got invited to go on holiday with toby karen dan and phil and today ii found out that the german exchange is on the same date as when they had planned to go on holidayy (tis cheaper at that point..) ii might get to go still.. but ii doubt it.. cause ii will feel guilty for making them wait and pay moreee :(


Also annoyed.


Don't get to go to the gym todayy cause ii have to go to the doctors due to crappy tonsils :@
iim sure they will be fiinee.. but still wanna make sure... am bracing myself for bloodtests again.. just in case the worst comes to the worstt... YUCKK

Sara NO LIKE BLOODTESTSS :@


GRRRR




Ahh weeell.. put it this wayy.. if i get ill again ii might loose some weight :L






On a better notee.. ii stayed at Tobys last night after going to the cinema with him dann and karenn =] We watched Percy and the Lightening Theiff... it was alriight ii sposee.. the start was a bit crapp.. ii think it was a little immature.. but stiill =]

Avatar was better (Y)






ii might buy myself a big lollypop for later if ii have to have a bloodtest.... just think about it lots while they thieve my blood... then hopefully wont have a panic attackkkk =] ii'll be well impressed with myself if ii don'tt =]


& No more snow pleaasseeee =]





God i'm in such a crappy mood todayy.. too much caffinee.. too little things to be happy aboutt.. well actually thats not true.. ii do have things to be happy about.. but everything seems to be pissing me off.. stuff just seems to be going all wrong.. like ii wonder if my exchange buddy will be all mean to me and run away and leave me in some random place where ii have no idea where ii amm.. :S ii hope that doesnt happennnnnn





mehhhh





x

~valentinessss

heeeheeee


toby showed up on my door after his rugby with roses, chocolates & a card... kissed me... then ran off again ^^

heeheee...


ii love himmm ^^




umm yeahh... we are having a fondu tonight.. me toby mum and rach =]

looking foward to itt =]






x

.

Alonee..

But not bored... not happy... content.

Watching a film ii recorded the other night...stopping it in the breaks to obsess over old songs...

Think about people that ii miss..

hmm..

ii have to remind myself..







ii have taken up walking instead of starving myself.. that eases the gilt.. a little..


its fiinee..

noone needs to know..

noone need pretend they care this way..




ii found out something today whilst driving..

if ii tell myself that iim not going to stall...

and it will be fiine..

ii don't.. and it iss

maybe life works like that??


maybe not..





x

.

Bored.. feel crap.. mehh! wanna go driving to cheltenham on my own... but i'm not allowedd... grr..



x

.

When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fuckin' special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She's running out again
She's running out
She run run run run...
run... run...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't belong here...




ii haven't listened to that song in agess... not for a year or so...


hmm





x

.

ii have just got back from my driving lesson in the dark. it was easier than ii thought it would be.. tis good fun =]
Have had a fairly nice day tbh.
Yeah well german was a bit... mehh.. silly training teachyy girl... make us do weird things that dont help us at all and make us feel crap cause we cant figure out her stupid sheet... that has nothing to do with german skills but more to do with being able to figure out what the first letter stands for... twas a load of shit!
But yess... Charley, Simone & Jack came round at lunchh =]
We watched kiddie programmess and munched lotss =]
twas nicee

ICT... mehh still dont get it

Then after school ii went to the hair dressers with Simone.. haven't spent that much time with him lately.. was nice.. bit straange.. but nice =]
ii also got the girl in there to get my hair stuff in so ii dont have to go to town for it every time ii need somee =] Brilliaantt!!


yeahh.. then driving lesson =]
Doing manuversss next lesson... or how ever you spell themm??

Wonder where mother is?? Haven't seen toby since this morning eitherr..

weeiirdd



x

.

New obsession.... Framing Hanley.

niom niomm =]



Went back to work todayy.. first time ii have worked there in over a month.. ii was rather scatty for the first half hour.. but then ii calmed down a bit... think my coffee high went... teeheee


Missing toby... didn't sleep good last night... my mind was doing that fucked up thing again... when ii think there is someone there in my room... like ii am reaching out to them to touch them to proove to myself that they aren't really there.. you touch the air where you think they are and then... nothing. in a way.. its like you know they werent really there... but you were still scared anyway...

this was at 4am. grrr




Weird head...







anywaayyss..








ii'm going through another one of those phases when ii have decided ii hate myselff... so yeahh... hence whyy ii am hiding in all the hoodiess... ii am fed up of people telling me ii should loose weight or making me feel crap about myself by saying ii look pregnant.. y'know what?? fuck youuu =]





glad ii dont have to work valentines day.





x

.

There's a place I know
If you're looking for a show.
Where they go hardcore
And there's glitter on the floor.

<33

Keshaa.




ahh todayy has been nicee =]
Woke up next to my beloved... whom ii had to sit with for an hour or so with a bowl while he puked the previous night... you know its love when you can sit with someone for hours while they puke... clean them up and force feed them water xD

Usually it is the other way around haahaa!

But anywayy... went to the bus stop to meet Samm and there was Jake... yeeeyyy!!! Someone to sit by on the buss!! wooopp =]

Shopped for a bitt... bought some BRIGHT PINK undies from ann summers... OMG ii had to get a C cup!!! ii was soooo happyy!! FINALLYYY :D
Hellooooo 32 C WOOOO :D:D:D
Also got my beautiful some stuff for valentines.... =] which im not gunna say... just in case he reads this... :P doubt he will anyhooo...

Bought a dress online... hope its nicee... fingers crosseddd!!!!

Also bought Samm a dress on my card... as she didnt have to money on her.. so now she owes me £30!!



hhmmmmm... work tomorroww... my boss called me up yesterdayy... so am working again now. think ima need to work thoughh.. need to fund the car :D





hhmmm... getting sleepyy... want to hear my babys voice... <333





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Yuckk yuckk... sara got a sore throat =/
ahh weeell...

Tobys party toniightt =] should be funn.. no idea who is going reallyy... but chloe is coming back soon and going with me =] so ii wont feel soo alone with all the guys Woopp =]
then tomorroww ii am off to town with Saamm =] then ii am driving us home :S ii cant wait!! Just imagine how many times im gunna stall at traffic lights and junctions :L
ahh weelll.. it will be funn =]
CANNOT WAIT UNTIL I HAVE MY LISENCE!!
ii reeeaallyy caantt!! ii think ii shall find it greeatt fun to drive past the bus stop on saturdays then drive straight past everyone wanting a lift :P heeheee obs toby will get a lift... but ii worry he will distract me or something... as long as he shuts up for the first few months it will be fiinee =/ ii hopeess :L


alsoo.... CANNOT WAIT TO SEE HANNA MORAN!!!!! :D:D:D

WOOOPP

ii think it made my week tbf... ii reealllyy miss herr... we spent like an hour on the fone and web cam last night =] just mooching through fmylife.com << awesome site xD

ii hopes simon has music at his party... so myself and hanna can groove :L





hmmm... ii feel yuckk..



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ii just discovered that there is a fair amount of toothpaste stuck to the bathroom plant. and ii worry that it will drip onto my hair brushh... but me being me... am not willing to move it as something could go wrong... or.. umm... ii dont knoww!! but im not gunna move it... it looks cool. Maybe it could be a form of modern art??
"And ii call it TOOTHPASTE ON A PLANTT!!"

=]

Yess... that is how ii am going to get rich... fuck unii :L

ii wonder if ii could become an artist... obs not by drawing cause ii fail at that...
ii took a picture of a girl that ii drew down to show mum todayy... "The thing that bothers me most is that she has no muscle!!"
She cant help it if she is a weed...
She still has pretty eyes...

hmmmm.... sleeepyyy....


x




nioommm.... 5 monthss.... <33333333






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sooo... my room is now tidy :S it is strange to be able to see the floor again... ii got in a reaall weird mood the other day and just started throwing stuff away... then ii got in another not so good mood at lunch today... and threw away a load more stuff... so yess... tis all tidy =]

hmmm.. happy for Sam =]

Bored.. toby is at rugby and ii just want cuddles...


mehhh











ahh weell.. ii'll survive im sure.







non uniform day tomorrow.. like it makes a differencee....


fridayy... yeeyy.... weekend means SLEEP!! ishh... only grrr is that ii have to work on saturday night with mother... boorringg... she doesnt need me there.. last time ii didnt have to do alot anywayy.. they could have coped without me easilyyyy
but still she insists... =/



one thing that shocked me a bit is that ii found out last night that the guy we used to live by when ii was a kid.. the guy that bred my little dogs, died :S he was only like 50ishh, last time ii saw him was in tesco's... when ii was still getting over glandular fever... so that was like a year agoo.. longer?? :S but still... its reaall weird.. cause ii used to go round to his all the time when i was lickleee...



hmmm... ii might just go back to reading tobys book in a minute... laptop is boring me a littlee... 'George's marvellous medicine' :P Fecking brill book!





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blurghhh.


that is how i feel at the moment. lunch times are boring me into depression.


ii wanna go driving or riding or walking or something funn... ii dunnoo... but ii need to do something constructive before my mind dies of boredom =]



x






Sparkling grey,
They're my own veins.
Any more than a whisper,
Any sudden movement of my heart.
And I know, I know I'll have to watch them pass away

Just get through this day

Give up your way, you could be anything,
Give up my way, and lose myself, not today
That's too much guilt to pay

Sickened in the sun
You dare tell me you love me
But you held me down and screamed you wanted me to die
Honey you know, you know I'd never hurt you that way

You're just so pretty in your pain

Give up my way, and I could be anything
I'll make my own way
Without your senseless hate... hate... hate... hate.

So run, run, run
And hate me, if it feels good.
I can't hear your screams anymore

You lied to me
But I'm older now
And I'm not buying baby

Demanding my response
Don't bother breaking the door down
I found my way out

And you'll never hurt me again.



Evanescence <333







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Okaii.. so it is sunday night... ii do feel like i have had a fairly busy weekend tbh... even though it wasnt reallyy... but still...
Friday.. Aquired car. Drove car round birdland car park in the dark- OBSESSED!!
Chloe stayed =]
Saturday... Chloe left =(
Went driving with mum for an hour or two... =] Picked up sam from tescos =]
ATE ALOT
DRANK ALOT
Watched sex in the city and moulin rouge whilst calling people and ranting to them while they tryed to find excuses to get away from our drunken rambles =]
Ummm...
Sunday...Sam left... sara went riding for an hour or two with mother... sara came home... ate some cheesecake.. went driving for a couple of hours... more food... homework.. yeahh pretty dull ii know.. and now im just sat here waiting for toby to come back so i can snuggle up to him and sleep =]



fecking drained... driving is stressful when you have only just managed to stop stalling when driving off... at least i can do t junctions and cross roads a bit better now...


ahhh... might go hide in a book... but ii cant make my mind up on whether to go for twilight ones.. or chronicals of darkness ones... me is thinking Edward & Bella <33





nighty night




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ii feel bad for sam. ii reaally do. why can she not just ditch him and find a beautiful and amazing guy that treats her the way she should be treated! its just plain not fair!!

grrr



anywooo... getting car tomorrow... hopefully... =] also Chloe is staying which ii am looking forward to... LOTS =] We are soo gunna make cakes and watch the lion king =] then maybe take my new car for a spin on saturday as i am now legally insured on it :D:D:D:D:D heehee =]

Sorryy... you might notice thaat my car is all ii have and will be talking about for months teehee i cannot wait til i have passed my test!! ii will be driving to cheltenham every week after school and stuff!! heehee =] friday afternoons will be spent in starbucks with Chloe instead of my living room xD
ii have to admit... I love my lessons!! It makes my monday worth getting up =] Mind monday isnt that bad tbh... wednesday is more yuckk...


ii do kinda feel like talking todayy...
in fact ii really do fancy some home squeezed orange juice!! Niommm!! only thing is.. its such a mission... it takes like 3 oranges to fill a little glass... but it is sooo yumm!! hmmmm ii wonder if tobyy is staying tonight? He has rugby tonight... but i promised him id make him a baked potato if he stays... so i hope he does... ima weirdo... i love cooking stuff for him =] if you count that as cooking xD
But hes going away for the whole weekend this week =( Im gunna dive on him when he gets back and squeeze him soooo hard he wont be able to breathe =] well maybe not... im incapable of that.. im a right weeklingg :D


hmmmmm orange juice or not???











HMMMMMM I DONT KNOWWWW







"Baby loves to dance in the dark
'Cause when he's lookin' she falls apart
Baby loves to dance in the dark, baby."

Lady Gaga <333







ii miss tobyy.... ii know he will be back in like an hour... but ii still miss him.... ii am actually gunna go crazy this weekend... i havent been away from him for more than 2 days the whole 5 or so months we've been going out =/


hmmmss...



i'll be okieee =]







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Everybody look left
Everybody look right
Everywhere you look
I'm standing spotlight

hehee ii loves chloeeee =]



OMG I HAVE A CAR!!!!!!! It is white and little and ii cant spell the make cause im stupid =]
its great!!!! but it doesnt have powersteering =/ and i havent driven it yet =/
Had another lesson today though... i drove all round my village... 3 times! =]

insurance is fecking expensive though =/

hmmmmm sara sleepyy...
ii just woke up from a little nap that ii just had whilst waiting for mother to finish playing solitaire on my laptop... hmmmm me thinks sara needs sleep tonight... and is not gunna drink for a while... hangovers are no fun :(




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SNOW!! GO AWAYYY!!! ii realllyy am bored of this snow!!
ii want it to be completely GONE by my next driving lesson... which is on monday... grrr

but yess... first business studies AS module is out the way =]
it was okaaii... i reckon i got myself a B... ii hope.. an A would be nice... but ii doubt that will happen tbh.


FECKING COLD!!


BRRRR







BRRRRRR!!!!




!!










ii have been wearing my wellies constantly for the past week... even into school and town... but i think i have only fallen over once on the ice.... haahaa













BRRRRR








WHO ARE YOU RANDOM PERSON THAT ADDED ME!?!?!?!













ii want more long socks.... mmmmmmm

















:P
























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Can ii just ask?? Who is "More than what it is"???




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snow...

MEH!! Yeah its fun for a day... but ii bet you anything that by tomorrow i will be annoyed at it... and its ment to snow more tonight... neehhh!!
Mother and toby are out treking... i cba... i have already spent an hour or so out there... and my fingers got cold xD
brrrrr

reeaally hope it has gone by the weekend!!

hmmmmmm Hormonal!!



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Yeahh... new yearr... woopdy fecking doo!!
Spent this one alone with toby... everyone was out at partys... even mum... but i was happy enough having an early night with toby =]

ii got a text off mum new years day... "Misha got really poorly at mums and i've just had her put down."
ii hate hearing her cry...

Its still at the top of my inbox.


Work tonight... Revision tomorrow... school monday... back into routine...
Exam on the 12th...
No more work for January....







Toby is officially my longest relationship. =]
ii love him.



hmmm... do miss friends thoughh.. haven't seen them in a while... like my girlies i mean... everyones just been busy all the time.. or i just haven't got round to seeing them because of work shifts being in the way...

ahh weell...



R.I.P. Dogg.




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