The good and bad news

Well Nan has cancer again. I flew home as soon as I heard. She has been given roughly two months to live, but Nan is a strong lady.. so who knows. I don't think anyone other my family truly can understand how important that woman is to me. The good news, I have found someone that manages to magic a smile onto my face despite this shitty situation? A true gentleman. We will see how that goes.. I am meeting his family in a few weeks, scary times! Nan was happy to hear about him while I visited her in the hospital too - same career as Granddad had! Slightly different area.. Today's music choice.. "The Good Life No.3 | A Deep House Summer Mix 2015"

lass uns kurz für immer bleiben handy aus nur wir beide lass uns kurz für immer bleiben nur wir zwei auf alles scheißen und sag mal bild ich mir das ein oder kennst du das auch das gefühl in meinem Bauch ich hab Gänsehaut für immer bleiben nur wir zwei auf alles scheißen hmm..

I think I'm slightly obsessed with food at the moment. I plan my days around it. It's getting slightly ridiculous! I can't even tell if I'm getting fatter or not, I guess I will have to wait til mum sees me next (she always notices if I've gotten fatter or thinner as she doesn't see me as often!) But really, who cares anyway?! That's future me's problem! Anyway.. what has changed since I last wrote in here? I'm back with my au pair family, as a live in babysitter?! They really do look after me.. I had the weirdest of dreams this afternoon! (yes I like to nap a few times on Sundays) It wasn't very nice.. just generally my insecurity of where I'll be living in a year/ two years.. Philipp said I'm like Alan Harper, from two and a half men. I guess that's true! Hmm.. I am just one big mood swing at the moment. Everything's shit and all I want to do is go home, then the sun shines and everything is great and I've got this shit! I guess I just miss home.. But really?! Doesn't matter what country you live in, happiness comes from within and you have to sort yourself out so you can be happy.. which I know really.. but can't help shake the feeling that I'd be better around my family? But I had family when I was younger, and look how I was then! (Not a happy bunny!) I just wish my motivation from last year would come back! I had life by the balls last year! Maybe I should just listen to motivational shitty 90s music?! But at least I have one amazing friend over here who gives me a bit of a push in the right direction when I'm being all mopey :) She is my favourite german person, although i do have other favourite non german people ;) What would I do without you... I have noticed in our class though, pretty much everyone has found their favourite person.. they are all in twos?! The twos talk to each other in class and like each other, but the twos just love each other and don't try to step between them! This sounds a bit strange.. but it really is true! I just can't wait for our next group outing!! The last one was soo fun :) Mambo number 5 ;) plus learning guitar is soo much fun! I think I would very much like a holiday, with my favourite people, to somewhere warm, at the beach, where I have never been before. Or just to go dancing again? The last time was soo much fun! Oldies club? How did I get IDed and the smallest of us didn't?! hmm Current favourite song? Amoi? I don't really know how to spell it or what it means, but i love it :) Ciaoo