The good and bad news

Well Nan has cancer again. I flew home as soon as I heard. She has been given roughly two months to live, but Nan is a strong lady.. so who knows. I don't think anyone other my family truly can understand how important that woman is to me. The good news, I have found someone that manages to magic a smile onto my face despite this shitty situation? A true gentleman. We will see how that goes.. I am meeting his family in a few weeks, scary times! Nan was happy to hear about him while I visited her in the hospital too - same career as Granddad had! Slightly different area.. Today's music choice.. "The Good Life No.3 | A Deep House Summer Mix 2015"

lass uns kurz für immer bleiben handy aus nur wir beide lass uns kurz für immer bleiben nur wir zwei auf alles scheißen und sag mal bild ich mir das ein oder kennst du das auch das gefühl in meinem Bauch ich hab Gänsehaut für immer bleiben nur wir zwei auf alles scheißen hmm..

I think I'm slightly obsessed with food at the moment. I plan my days around it. It's getting slightly ridiculous! I can't even tell if I'm getting fatter or not, I guess I will have to wait til mum sees me next (she always notices if I've gotten fatter or thinner as she doesn't see me as often!) But really, who cares anyway?! That's future me's problem! Anyway.. what has changed since I last wrote in here? I'm back with my au pair family, as a live in babysitter?! They really do look after me.. I had the weirdest of dreams this afternoon! (yes I like to nap a few times on Sundays) It wasn't very nice.. just generally my insecurity of where I'll be living in a year/ two years.. Philipp said I'm like Alan Harper, from two and a half men. I guess that's true! Hmm.. I am just one big mood swing at the moment. Everything's shit and all I want to do is go home, then the sun shines and everything is great and I've got this shit! I guess I just miss home.. But really?! Doesn't matter what country you live in, happiness comes from within and you have to sort yourself out so you can be happy.. which I know really.. but can't help shake the feeling that I'd be better around my family? But I had family when I was younger, and look how I was then! (Not a happy bunny!) I just wish my motivation from last year would come back! I had life by the balls last year! Maybe I should just listen to motivational shitty 90s music?! But at least I have one amazing friend over here who gives me a bit of a push in the right direction when I'm being all mopey :) She is my favourite german person, although i do have other favourite non german people ;) What would I do without you... I have noticed in our class though, pretty much everyone has found their favourite person.. they are all in twos?! The twos talk to each other in class and like each other, but the twos just love each other and don't try to step between them! This sounds a bit strange.. but it really is true! I just can't wait for our next group outing!! The last one was soo fun :) Mambo number 5 ;) plus learning guitar is soo much fun! I think I would very much like a holiday, with my favourite people, to somewhere warm, at the beach, where I have never been before. Or just to go dancing again? The last time was soo much fun! Oldies club? How did I get IDed and the smallest of us didn't?! hmm Current favourite song? Amoi? I don't really know how to spell it or what it means, but i love it :) Ciaoo

It has been a while..

I think this is the first time I have posted in a good two years?! Well.. what's new? I finished my training course over here.. I am now a fully qualified child carer or nursery teaching assistant.. however you translate it. Finished with an average of 1,6. Fucking awesome! (1 is the best, 6 the worst - so I did better than most of the germans in my class, which I'm incredibly proud of!) I've been living with my now ex bf for the past year.. which was nice. But yeah.. isn't working out anymore.. for various reasons.. ahem.. we still get on though, lets pray it stays that way! I'm not quite sure how the next few months are going to work out for me. I will live with philipp until I find my own place, then move out and continue at college to finish my next training course. Which I love doing, so it can't be wasted time if I have fun doing it. The main reason Im not just saying fuck all this shit! and moving back to England would be due to the people I have met over here.. Nadine, Vard and Vitus.. I love them all and would generally be very sad at leaving them all behind :( and the country in itself.. So I will just see if I can make it over here by myself! And if not, I will be happy to see everyone back in England.. I have missed them too! Recently gotten back in contact with a few old friends.. which is nice! And have fallen head over heels in love with mums new bfs kids! :D They are the cutest (most hyper) kids ever! :) Don't think I'm quite done with the travelling yet though.. if I do manage to finish my next three years over here I will then travel around as a nanny for a bit.. USA.. Dubai maybe.. not sure yet.. and if I don't finish it for some reason then I will simply start all over again, au pair in a different country! I can't say I have any lyrics to post today.. I'm more into deep house at the moment.. Bad boys cry.. good song

The worlds just a puppy and the doors doubled locked

Now I've holes in my pockets.. Just listening to the radio on my phone :) Two more days until my new German careers school starts and I'm thrown into my two years of studying to be a kindergarten helper :) Did another german test. TestDaf it's called. I fucking aced it! I got top marks in 3/4 topics and the second best mark in the last one. Not bad if I do say so myself! My new school is going to be my new challenge! Come at me bro! xD Nearly with my guest family for two years now! And it looks as if I'll be here for yet another! Then I can save up a bit of money to get my own flat! I can't stop looking at the Ikea website and planning out what kind of bed I want! xD Also I'm very looking forward to coming home for a week or two over Christmas! I'm missing my mummy quite a lot :/ But on the bright side, once I get my own place I can have her to stay and we can get drunk together and chat about crap :D <3 Lover has got himself a liscence and a car ;) Is also studying.. at BMW ;) And promises to give up smoking by my birthday! And if he breaks that promise he has to run through the centre of Munich in MY underwear ;) (Maybe a little cold in December) Mir scheiss egal was morgen kommt..... Ich liebe das lied :D Oh and Rome was great! I saw the Coliseum! It was beautiful! And the fountain de trevi! The hotel room was pretty good too though, also it did smell a bit funky after a couple of days.. We think it was some crazy green tea that I made but then didn't drink and just left on the side xD OH and there was a mouse thingy in my room today! It was sooooo cute, we took him outside and left him under a tree in the rain :) Britney bitch! All this music is making me want to go dancing! Like a week ago I went dancing with Vard and some others on a Thursday night.. We missed the train back because we didn't want to stop dancing and got home at 7am in the end xD Both of us having to work the next day xD

Okay so looking back on my goals from last time I posted on here, I'd say I'm doing pretty well! I'm still happy, currently doing a C1 course (already did B1 and got a 1- in english A i guess 282/300 points ;) ), and somehow have gotten myself a place in a german careers school?! Not bad eh? Plus I have now been together with the lover for 11 months.. impressed with myself! :) Okay so I haven't got my own flat, but thats gunna be a hard one to get until I have finished my two year course at this school, then if I choose to, I can do another three year course on top of this, which would allow me to not only help in a kindergarten, but to own my own if I wanted to! :) Not saying thats my plan.. but a few years in a kindergarten sound good right now! Things still seem to be going well with the guest family, we just got back from Mallorca for the third time since I've been with them. And this time a friend from England came and stayed with us. Also myself and the lover have a trip to Rome booked for the late summer, very romantic way to celebrate one year together ;) A hotel room for two in the center or Rome! To anyone who laughed when I didn't get into uni- Fuck you! What I've found here is way better! :D

Going back to the 31st March.

Well pretty much everything in that post, I have now ticked off. - Its been one year and one month that I've been in Germany now, and have no current plans to leave (If anything I'm debating starting a 5 year training course once my german is at a sufficiant level) - I beat another fear (I got my tattoo! Yes is hurt! And yes I was scared! But I bloody did it! Because I am fucking amazing! And also went on the back of a motorbike. ) - I got something new! A new boyfriend, and in doing so became happier and got "butterflies". - And lastly I continued to dye my hair various shades of red. Mission accomplised! Next set of aims! - Stay happy - Get C1 level of german allowing me to study in Germany - Get a carreer! - Get own flat (or something similar) Something tells me that these set of goals are gunna be a little harder than the last few I set myself! But I've already proven that I can do things I didn't think I could. Hmmm.. Lets see what next year brings! :) x